Dear Parents of Millenials

pexels-photo-551588Dear parents, guardians, and other otherworldly beings who raised millennials:

 

It’s not your fault. You were not a bad parent or guardian.

Didn’t quite turn out how you envisioned it would, did it? Your child, or person you take care of, who was born somewhere between the early 80s and late 90s, might still be living in your house. They might have a sucky job in a retail store or food joint. Those are the lucky ones. I bet you didn’t know they didn’t realize how this was going to work out as well. Most people in their late 20s and 30s wanted to be like you: work hard, get an education, have a home, and a job that paid the bills and allowed for savings. Who doesn’t want that?

Now, you can get all the economic info anywhere on the Internet, but here are some links to supplement what I’m saying for you to read later. I’m not making this up.

(https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/06/even-baby-boomers-think-its-harder-to-get-started-than-it-used-to-be/395609/

http://fortune.com/2016/03/04/young-millennials-job-market-losers/ )

But finances and economics are just a few things that plague me and my fellow millenials. We also have this touchy-feely membrane coating our every decision, thought, and aspect of communication. We also have over 63 genders to choose from and a plethora of mental disorders to either pick or discipline ourselves into having…or we actually have one that we are taught to flaunt (and make it worse), or told to hide because it is shameful. We can also have a disability if we want and be tans-disabled (http://nationalpost.com/news/canada/becoming-disabled-by-choice-not-chance-transabled-people-feel-like-impostors-in-their-fully-working-bodies ). We have everyone around us telling us we were abused as children. Our friends tell us our parents are mean, super-strict, prudes. Some say our concerned family is crazy and we need to get out. I know every once in a while this is true, but really, most of us are just cry babies surrounded by negativity and people who want to hurt us.

Social expectations and pressure are at an all time high these days. Social media makes us accessible and available to criticism and vice every minute of every day. If we’re fat, someone will let us know. If we say we love America and are a patriot, someone will tell us what murdering scumbag racists we are. If we post a prayer or a blessing, someone will condemn us for having a faith. If we post a video of our cat with a piece of tape on his paw, someone will call animal services and report us for abuse.

We are on pins and needles, walking on egg shells because everyone is waiting for someone to point at us and scream “Look at how baaaad that guy is! Thank goodness I’m not that way.” This coupled with the victim trend is crippling our generation—and we are doing it to ourselves. Yes, the economics of our time sucks all the nasty. But our mind-sets could change the world. Everyone knows that you can train your brain to look on the bright side or hunt for vile images to meditate on EmilysQuotes.Com-focus-positive-defend-mind-negative-victory-inspirational-encouraging-Billy-Cox(https://www.marieforleo.com/2017/09/negativity-bias/ ) (no, this will not cure depression, but good grief does it make it worse—get meds if you need ‘em). If we tried to see the light, I’d post a lot more “Got my paycheck. Yay!” on social media and less “Omg I am so broke poor me, be sad, I eat once a day” nonsense. The latter may be true as snow in Norway, but that doesn’t mean I need to talk about it all the darn time. I do though. Know why? It’s so much easier to be the victim these days. We millenials love to commiserate, but damn you if you are worse off than me!

Being a victim is the new in-thing. If you are a victim, then you are not the one to blame. A radio show I used to listen to said it best:

Our society places a great deal of importance on ‘individual rights’. It seems a day doesn’t go by that someone isn’t telling us they have the right to do something. And, it’s true. Rights are very important. But there’s a flip side to them that is hardly ever discussed these days. It’s called responsibility. As the old song says, you can’t have one without the other! But these days, people are trying to. And the sad thing is, they’re succeeding. They’ve created a whole new class for themselves called, “victims”. “It’s not my fault,” they say, “Don’t blame me, I’m a victim! It was the way I was raised! It was the neighborhood I grew up in. I’m not responsible.” And so we excuse. And even reward all sorts of bad behavior. And little by little, our society decays and crumbles. Don’t let that happen. You can stop it! You, me, we, the people. We make the laws. We can stop the decay. We just have to have the courage to do it

Applying to this situation here, it’s not the laws I’m talking about but out mindset. We can change our mindset if we want to. I did want to and the last couple months have been a whole new life for me. I refuse to be a victim, but not everyone will. I’m going to call out someone who’s desire to be a victim makes them a weak pansy by choice. In a lot of ways, we millenials are victims of society in that we are being attacked our peers. But we don’t have to live there. We can move on from that one time we were victimized. It’s like with a mental disorder: you just need to realize you need to get better. Any way…

(Another post for another time).

It would kill the millennial spirit to post positive, un-emo, not-suicide-endorsing, content to Twitter and Instagram. We have raised ourselves, with the help of our suffering, oh so poor and abused peers, to think this way and see no way out. Yes, your kid’s friends are to blame as well. Millenials are so easily influenced because we are looking for any comrade no matter how hateful. We put up with the abuse we blame you for from our “friends”…We want any comfort no matter how much poison it comes with. And you, as the parent or guardian, are out of the picture because they are convinced you don’t love them and will turn them out or shun them.

Let me take a moment to say one thing though. Your child is having a rough time for so many reasons: poisoned by friends, by media, and having a rough time due to the economic strain and job market. If they come limping back, or you see that they are in dire straights, don’t get angry and say you will kick their ass for ending up in a way. Love them, help set them back on their own two feet, and give them a gentle push. Like on a swing. Or riding a bike. Sometimes we fall off. People are tribal creatures. We are not created to be alone. Maybe your child hurt you when they left. Forgive them for they know not what they did. Be the parent—the bigger person—let it go and help. Reach out. Don’t wait. (More for another post at another time.)

Now, when we do need help, most millennials don’t want handouts (no, seriously, some of us like to work for what we need) but just make them take it. Don’t shower them in money, gifts, and comfort. Just supplement. Help them find a job (my millennial siblings: take the retail job…it may be for ten years, but it’s not forever), help them find a place they can afford, give them some groceries and send them on their way. Tough love. But please note, it IS love. Not just tough. You are lucky to have an oportunity to step up and prove your child and his peers that they were wrong: you did love them and still do.

It’s hard to show even tough love when your baby seems so wrong. Maybe they are doing drugs. Maybe they turned out gay or got pregnant. There are more ways to get screwed up for my generation than there were 30 years ago. If you raised this 20-or-30-smoething year old kid to the best of your abilities and the best way you knew how—with LOVE—then you did fine. As a millennial, I am sorry. I am not sorry for how my generation is because I can’t help that—even though I think we’re all super screwed up. I’m not apologizing for the poor specimen you churned out. And they probably weren’t even that. They were a good kid, tried hard, did what they thought would get them through life (we were all told to be good, get a job, go to college and it will all fall in to place…well…). But this world wants to see mankind fail. You are one –or a lucky two—parents against the world. God bless you for what you did, even if you don’t see it as a success. Think about it, please. You did an amazing job. You versus 7 billion other people who want you, your morals, loving efforts, and child destroyed.

It’s only going to get worse for your grandkids. Everything goes from order to disorder and that goes for our galaxy. Think about thousands of more years of going to disorder. I’ll be gone by then, thank goodness, but my gosh I fear for my descendants. I just have to do my best. Like you.

Please don’t give up on millenials and generation Z. We need your support and wisdom, not your condescension and resentment. We don’t need your snide “Back in my day” comments. You are the ones who shape how we see the world. Because of that attitude we turn to our peers and thus end up with a blind leading the blind scenario.

My point is, you can’t blame yourself for how your babies are turning out. You can’t blame us either as we didn’t make the world we were born in to. But I know some mothers out there who probably cry themselves to sleep over the choices of their darlings. I defend you and thus ask that you not blame us either. We have an illness and love is the cure. Stick together, support each other, and brave the storm. Don’t throw yourself overboard and leave us in the gale–you did what was right.

 

 

 

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The Writer Who Works Out: Code for Laziest Fitness Teacher Out There

yoga-241609_1280It has been some time since I’ve written and I’m going to put on my “good grad student persona” and say that it’s because I’ve been working hard on school and work. I believe with all my heart there is some truth in there. I may also be moving up the ranks in League of Legends, but no one knows that.

This is post of utility. I want encourage other writers and computer-hoverers out there to get up once in a while and stretch your lungs. I have been doing a self-imposed workout plan for five weeks now that I called “Six Weeks Until Xena”. Yes, I upped my workout game and healthy living in order to become the Warrior Princess. Since I’m almost done, all I have t show for it are thighs too large with muscle for my old jeans and some more stamina. Not the results I wanted, but I’m sure if I go six more weeks, I’ll tone down and shape up. I plan to go again but this time with less strict planing.

How many times have you started a workout plan and then had to give up because you cannot get into that routine. Or maybe you said you’d wake up at 6am and failed after a week because you are just not a morning person? I tried to be a morning person thanks to this guy (http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2014/08/14/how-to-become-a-morning-person/) and it was awesome for a little while. But then I fell off one day and got really discouraged (writers do that, when they fail–no matter what–they fail HARD). Everyone says do your workout in the morning to wake up. Hah, I can’t wake up before 9am. So sad, I know. But I did try. For months!

So here is what I want to tell you: Do not try. Now, don’t freak out. YES, WORKOUT! But let it come. I no longer do my yoga, Insanity DVDs, or belly dance routines in the morning. I started using a Spinning bike at about 1pm and suddenly my workout was better, I had energy for that gross 2pm slump that everyone hates, and I felt better. I just cannot concentrate if I haven’t some work or school or homework (or whatever!) by 10am. So I ditched the morning workout and I do it whenever I can. If I see I have an hour before something, I cram it in and think of nothing else while in my workout. WHAT ABOUT WRITING? It’s ok, I have a blessed 30 minutes before bed (even I’m crazy tired) that I try to hammer out 300 or 500 words. Just push that much longer. It’s ok.

That’s what I want you to think about while your working out and getting in no matter the time of day: It’s ok. A 1 hour workout is ONLY 4% of your day. You can do it. Don’t rush it, don’t stress while doing it. When you workout, think only of your body and feel its inner workings. I love time with my body, while I’m working it. It does things to my psychi as well. Don’t stress over it.

Here is a list of things to try:

wellness-589773_1280

1st, to help you out, here is a link to a timer I have set up: http://www.intervaltimer.com/timers/5745947 This is my personal timer. I use it while I’m working or studying. I set a timer to work for an 1.5 hours or just 1 hour. When it goes off, I start some music and start this timer. It’s just 8 minutes. It gets your blood flowing and gets you awake again. Don’t forget to breathe.

2nd is yoga. You may feel weak when first doing it, but trust me, it gets easier and within a few months, you will have the muscles to feel relaxed while doing this. I recommend Fightmaster Yoga. She is free, professional, fun, and has many, MANY videos to choose from: https://www.youtube.com/user/lesleyfightmaster

3rd, go to your library and get a workout DVD. Your local library is FREE and almost unlimited in its resources. Get dance workouts, fast paced cardio, fun weight training–anything that sparks you interest. Use it for the week you get it barrow it, then get a new one. Fresh workouts keep you interested and excited about getting a new DVD.

4th, eat right. I’d say in my experience, eating right is about 70% of healthy living. I am not a fan of veggies, but I do love veggie dip. I eat celery, carrots and broccoli often enough. It has also gotten to the point that I cannot stand candy and cake. I prefer fruit pies, fruity yogurts and just fruit (nature’s candy!) in general. Impossible, you say? Nope! I love grapes more than I love Twizzlers. Try it. You’ll get there!

5th, and lastly, DO NOT cut out carbs and proteins if you are going to start exercising. The point of exercising and eating RIGHT is to get into a habit that you can maintain for your WHOLE LIFE. When working out, you need that protein to build muscle and you will need those carbs for fuel. If you are just now adding a workout to your life, don’t cut the carbs but don’t add to them too much either. This workout is new for your body and the amount of carbs you eat is fine. You are adding more work to your body and cutting off its fuel supply is a bad idea. Just don’t stuff you face. Eat slow, take small bites and you’ll be fine.

I hope this helps someone. I had intended to put more links in here, but I’ll save those for later. In the mean time, have a great day and may you find more power and strength in your days!

Morals, Rejection, Projects–Oh my!

I am probably the ∞th person to use the phrase from the great film “The Wizard of Oz”. I took it, changed it up a bit and made it my own. Sort of. This is a really bad example of what writers do. Or what I’ve read writers do. I’m not really sure what “real writers” do any way. I know a few on Facebook who actually reply to me (and like my status on occasion!) so I suppose I could ask them.

But this post is already boring, right? You don’t want to read me jabbering away! I don’t either!

I think this must be an issue with some of my writing (other junior writers listen up!). I write a lot of my own thoughts in my writing. According to Donald Maas (who politely declined to be my agent) the best part of the fiction is you. You are the best thing you can put into your fiction. Now, this doesn’t mean making your character like pistachio pudding (YUM!) because you do. No, it means that your point of view is the most unique thing about you. A good writer makes that point of view accessible to a wider audience. Pretty cool power, hu? Imagine being such a good communicator that 50% of people who read you nod and say, “Ah, yeah, I get it.” Oh, to have such power! That power is your voice. Or your words. Whichever.

Sometimes finding your voice is hard though. I literally didn’t have mine figured out until last year. I just turned 25 and thank goodness I figured that out! I thought I knew it when I was 17. I was positive I knew my voice when I was 21. But it wasn’t until I moved to Ohio and was literally writing every day (no, literally) that I found my voice. I had to practice, use other people’s words, make them my own, and then realize I was ditching them because I liked my ideas better.

imagine how much better a writer I would be today if I had practiced every day from when I was 17? I feel like my stories (which get revisions unlike these blog posts) would be masterful. I’d be head maven of the order of the bards! Well, okay not really. I look at my rejections as a challenge now. No, I don’t have it all figured out and did cry a little when I got another one the other day. But you know what? It takes about 50+ rejections to make me stop writing and only one to get you in. That’s the reality I had to remember when sighing sadly at all those rejections. I can take a million of those. But one in (with an agent or publisher) and that is a far greater step forward than one rejection will ever be. But I think it’s my voice still.

A friend of mine read a short story that I was particularly proud of. He liked some of the characters, said the story was good, wanted more of the fantasy element I was creating, but said that my main character’s moral filter was bothersome, condescending, and mine. Yes, he said that every time my POVC made a judgment call, it was mine coming through. If this had been the first time it happened with a story, I may have let it go. But people have been saying I have bad writing because I have a POVC who wants to cut his ties from his druggy friend who treats him like dirt. Now, I cannot make excuses for failings in my writing, but this “goodness” in my POVC was his flaw too. He was almost sunk and sucked into a downward spiral that would ruin his life because he could not cut off this friend and live his own life. But he had to make the decision to be a badass, ditch the jerk, and start anew. To me, that was a nice moment and a good character development section. And yes. They were my morals (I’m not a fan of drugs since some friends of mine were hospitalized by a high driver who walked free) but this story was not about that. It was about my poor POVC growing a spine and leaving someone who was toxic and manipulative.

Aaaaaand, I have no time to write about projects. But that’s okay.

Junior writers, my fellows, don’t sacrifice yourself in your writing to please the masses. You will always, ALWAYS, piss someone off. “Utopia” by Thomas Moore pisses me off. But I love that book. It’s my favorite thing to get into a heated discussion over. Read things that piss you off. Read things that challenge you (in a good, healthy way). Read things that will make you stare off into the distance thinking about. Don’t read to be stroked and told what a good, smart person you are. You already know you’re awesome. Reading is for brave people who want to be challenge.