Here I was being a good student and grinding away at my chapters in Collin Brooke’s “Lingua Fracta”, when I realized I had left my Netflix open and BBC’s “Sherlock” was vying for my attention. “Remember to be put the audio books on your iPod!” it whispered as I tabbed over to close the wonderful distraction as fast as I could. “Hmm, yes, iPod. Music,” I thought. “Let’s check real quick on this creative commons web site real quick just to make sure I bookmarked the music I want to use for my Dracula project!”
I then spend 20 minutes listening to sound bites and wondering where I could use this beautiful piano/violin duet. The index? The ending where you’ll read her last words? The next thing I know, I’m day dreaming about my projects and how fun this one is going to be. “I could get a lot done with this attitude!”, I think to myself. How great would that be? But no…
I want to write on my creative writing ideas, stories, and little novel ideas that I’ve had for years but I cannot make myself do it. But I’m sending stories out almost every week, surly that counts as profitable! It does, my dear fellows. It does. And that Dracula project? That’s for school, for crying out loud! I want to work on Dreamweaver too to iron out how to work it so I can tackle the page I have to build for my book review. What do all these have in common and why can I not get them done?
Because they are fun.
Yup, that’s right. Whenever work that is fun, and I know I’ll have a great time doing comes up, I ban myself from it. It feels like a waste of time. Somewhere along the lines, I convinced myself (or the world told me, or I was raised to believe–whichever theory suits your fancy) that if I was enjoying something, I was doing it wrong. Back in my church days, my favorite line was from the movie “Little Women” when the mother says “Nothing provokes speculation more than the sight of a woman enjoying herself”. This was in reference of course to my friend and I enjoying music, clothes, and movies everyone else thought were bad (read: sinful). Why does the world do this? If you like it it must be bad. No, it has nothing to do with religious teachings or that influence. I honestly believe it’s a kind of American thing. Yeah, most Americans these days don’t want to work at all, but back in the day (and I’ve always been something of an Old Soul) people worked and worked hard. Somehow I’ve gotten it into my head that I must be working on something (and if I’m unhappy I’m doing it right) or I’m wasting my time.
I don’t know how to conquer this right now. I put work off until it’s not fun to do. I’ve almost done that with a short story I was super excited to work on and now I’m just like, “Well, I better write that” and I can’t remember what was so great about it! So until next time, I have something else to think about.